How to get fired in 10 days - GUARANTEED

This post is dedicated to Jasmine Desai and her gang of office colleagues who want to quit their jobs without any notice period or salary sacrifices.

1. Pay 100 bucks (or 500, depending on how badly you want to be fired) to a  beggar and bring him to work with you. Tell your boss, "Oh.. I'm sorry.. Didn't you know today was bring-a-beggar-to-work day??"

2. Take a colleague, go to the corner most spot in your office, just ensure that the spot is visible from your boss' cabin. The moment your boss glances at you, start whispering to your colleague, while still maintaining an eye contact with the boss. GUARANTEED to spook him out!!!

3. Make sure you get caught while stealing the coffee machine from your office. The expression on your face when you're caught should be, "Oops." Practice the poker face.

4. Tell your colleagues in the office you have officially converted to the VooDooForGoodLuck (pronounce it fast so that no one knows what you're saying) religion.... bring some freaky looking dolls (not Barbie) at work and begin your day by idol worshipping. Chant loudly thrice a day during office timings.

5. Get caught while dozing in a meeting where your boss is speaking. ALWAYS doze off when he starts to speak, but be enthusiastic when your colleagues do.

6. Start telling everyone how much you enjoy watching DEXTER. During your lunch break, coffee break, briefings and meetings keep quoting Dexter and tell everyone how you justify Dexter's deeds. Then collect huge knives and keep them in your pen holder mug on your table.

7. Get to work early, and leave anonymous notes in a handwriting which can never be proved to be yours, or to be genuinely authentic, ask your 5 year old niece to write it for you: "You're being watched," "I know what you did last winter, monsoons and rainy season," "Get a pet dog. The time is right," "Fire someone today, the gods wish so." And stare at him without blinking when he's talking to you about, anything.


8. Tell him ghost stories on your coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Compile a list of spooky websites and keep sending it to him. Then keep staring at him when he briefs you for your targets. He might ask you to stop sending such mails. Tell him you have stopped, and don't blink when you say that.

9. Start dressing up like Amy Winehouse. Don't forget the fake hair and the make-up. (to be tried in cases of Extreme Desperation)

10. Start bringing your dog to the office. Tell your boss there's no place else you could leave him and you can't afford to leave him at a dog-sitter's. Tell him the pet is not vaccinated still.. it's on your to-do list.

All of the above, or the combination of three or more is guaranteed to have you fired. No questions asked, no salaries cut!

Movie Review - RIO

First of all, I want to fly.
I want to Samba.
If am a bird, then I want to be a rocket.

Wanted to watch RIO because I needed the colour and the music. Nothing beats the Brazilian beats, the Ramba and the Salsa and the zeal which is so thankfully contagious! Caught up with the making of RIO and it didn't seem too bad at the first peek.. and I thought to myself, to beat the blues I'll catch it up. You see, adults need to have a good time and remind themselves that there's so much of fun and beauty out there. This movie is a beautiful affirmation.

Just before the movie began, there was a short film by Blue Sky Studios on THE creature and THE nut which began the hilarious franchise of ICE AGE. That was got the kids all excited for the movie, I think. The laughter in the movie theatre was so contagious. This, I think, is a big achievement for Carlos Saldanha. The detailing, the characters, the sound and the colours were so genuine and appealing. The only cheeky thing was the kiss that got Blu's heartbeat throbbing in his wings and he flew. But may be that's just me (!)

The opening beats of "I wanna Party" by Will.i.am, Jamie Foxx and Anne Hathaway, were the real reason that I wanted to see this movie in the theatre. Darkness and Dolby Digital Sound System can mesmerise any soul. You could hear it here. The song is called HOT WINGS :) Aptly named. The song so represents the enthusiasm of Brazil. That country has always attracted me... The statue of Christ in Rio de Janerio was the only reason I wanted to visit it (and the reason that you could just waltz on the beach with.. ahem.. the appropriate clothing meant only for beaches and.. [nevermind, probably edited], come a close second). But after watching the film, I guess I wouldn't miss dancing at the Carnival for the world.

Guys in love should dedicate this song to their women "I'm telling the world" by Taio Cruz. It's definitely the flavour song of the season.
Jemaine Clement as the villain bird does a fantastic job. His song had the funniest lyrics: "Like an abandoned school, I have no principal" and so on. Jesse Eisenberg was alright. Somehow, I hate him for doing a movie based on Mark Zuckerberg's life. That apart, can he cut his curly hair, or shave his head so that I focus more on his facial muscles and find out if he can really perform or just Facebook. I've lost all respect for Anne Hathway for hosting the Oscars this year with fabulous outfits and plastic smiles and even more toxic jokes. Jamie Foxx is a rock-star.

Carlos Saldanha had admitted that he wanted to do justice to Brazil, most importantly, Rio de Janerio. Thumpy beats was a key feature. The hills, the sea, lights, slums and the green forests, the madness for football and a love for dance - you name it, and it was all there. That kind of colour and treatment uplifts you. The story was simple and tight. Towards the end, you'd find yourself, preferring a happy magical ending somehow instead of wanting to place everything in logic. And that's not easy for people like me, who go to watch a movie and still prefer not to leave their brains behind (a VERY important requirement for watching Bollywood movies). It's amazing how the need for a magical ending just grips you out of nowhere and all you want to do is groove to the HOT WINGS track again and plan a trip to Rio ASAP.

And that's the track am going to listen to on my way to court tomorrow.

To magic, and to new acquaintances! :)

Cherished Dream or a Soul's Secret?

The Drive

What if the dream was a memory?
A memory of a soul, who has come so far.
What if the cherished, ethereal dream was actually a memory stored in the deepest and mysterious recesses of the mind? A secret lesson of the soul? Something that the soul had picked up from a previous journey, not limited by time... only limited by consciousness.

Sometimes I think that instead of the soul journeying and finding its meaning and purpose, it's us who discover the secrets of our soul. I believe we spend time wondering what our soul is all about. What does it want us to see, to realise, to re-discover.

People say we have all the answers. Enlightened people say that divinity is within us, engraved to the core. But consciousness blocks it. May be in the real world, we only need a good apartment, attractive partner and a modern car. But our soul reminds us there's something else. There will always be something else. Some secret... a lesson learnt back in time... a memory cherished so badly that it becomes a dream. And we wait for it to be fulfilled.

Till one day you understand that the perfect dream already happened.