How to get fired in 10 days - GUARANTEED

This post is dedicated to Jasmine Desai and her gang of office colleagues who want to quit their jobs without any notice period or salary sacrifices.

1. Pay 100 bucks (or 500, depending on how badly you want to be fired) to a  beggar and bring him to work with you. Tell your boss, "Oh.. I'm sorry.. Didn't you know today was bring-a-beggar-to-work day??"

2. Take a colleague, go to the corner most spot in your office, just ensure that the spot is visible from your boss' cabin. The moment your boss glances at you, start whispering to your colleague, while still maintaining an eye contact with the boss. GUARANTEED to spook him out!!!

3. Make sure you get caught while stealing the coffee machine from your office. The expression on your face when you're caught should be, "Oops." Practice the poker face.

4. Tell your colleagues in the office you have officially converted to the VooDooForGoodLuck (pronounce it fast so that no one knows what you're saying) religion.... bring some freaky looking dolls (not Barbie) at work and begin your day by idol worshipping. Chant loudly thrice a day during office timings.

5. Get caught while dozing in a meeting where your boss is speaking. ALWAYS doze off when he starts to speak, but be enthusiastic when your colleagues do.

6. Start telling everyone how much you enjoy watching DEXTER. During your lunch break, coffee break, briefings and meetings keep quoting Dexter and tell everyone how you justify Dexter's deeds. Then collect huge knives and keep them in your pen holder mug on your table.

7. Get to work early, and leave anonymous notes in a handwriting which can never be proved to be yours, or to be genuinely authentic, ask your 5 year old niece to write it for you: "You're being watched," "I know what you did last winter, monsoons and rainy season," "Get a pet dog. The time is right," "Fire someone today, the gods wish so." And stare at him without blinking when he's talking to you about, anything.


8. Tell him ghost stories on your coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Compile a list of spooky websites and keep sending it to him. Then keep staring at him when he briefs you for your targets. He might ask you to stop sending such mails. Tell him you have stopped, and don't blink when you say that.

9. Start dressing up like Amy Winehouse. Don't forget the fake hair and the make-up. (to be tried in cases of Extreme Desperation)

10. Start bringing your dog to the office. Tell your boss there's no place else you could leave him and you can't afford to leave him at a dog-sitter's. Tell him the pet is not vaccinated still.. it's on your to-do list.

All of the above, or the combination of three or more is guaranteed to have you fired. No questions asked, no salaries cut!

Movie Review - RIO

First of all, I want to fly.
I want to Samba.
If am a bird, then I want to be a rocket.

Wanted to watch RIO because I needed the colour and the music. Nothing beats the Brazilian beats, the Ramba and the Salsa and the zeal which is so thankfully contagious! Caught up with the making of RIO and it didn't seem too bad at the first peek.. and I thought to myself, to beat the blues I'll catch it up. You see, adults need to have a good time and remind themselves that there's so much of fun and beauty out there. This movie is a beautiful affirmation.

Just before the movie began, there was a short film by Blue Sky Studios on THE creature and THE nut which began the hilarious franchise of ICE AGE. That was got the kids all excited for the movie, I think. The laughter in the movie theatre was so contagious. This, I think, is a big achievement for Carlos Saldanha. The detailing, the characters, the sound and the colours were so genuine and appealing. The only cheeky thing was the kiss that got Blu's heartbeat throbbing in his wings and he flew. But may be that's just me (!)

The opening beats of "I wanna Party" by Will.i.am, Jamie Foxx and Anne Hathaway, were the real reason that I wanted to see this movie in the theatre. Darkness and Dolby Digital Sound System can mesmerise any soul. You could hear it here. The song is called HOT WINGS :) Aptly named. The song so represents the enthusiasm of Brazil. That country has always attracted me... The statue of Christ in Rio de Janerio was the only reason I wanted to visit it (and the reason that you could just waltz on the beach with.. ahem.. the appropriate clothing meant only for beaches and.. [nevermind, probably edited], come a close second). But after watching the film, I guess I wouldn't miss dancing at the Carnival for the world.

Guys in love should dedicate this song to their women "I'm telling the world" by Taio Cruz. It's definitely the flavour song of the season.
Jemaine Clement as the villain bird does a fantastic job. His song had the funniest lyrics: "Like an abandoned school, I have no principal" and so on. Jesse Eisenberg was alright. Somehow, I hate him for doing a movie based on Mark Zuckerberg's life. That apart, can he cut his curly hair, or shave his head so that I focus more on his facial muscles and find out if he can really perform or just Facebook. I've lost all respect for Anne Hathway for hosting the Oscars this year with fabulous outfits and plastic smiles and even more toxic jokes. Jamie Foxx is a rock-star.

Carlos Saldanha had admitted that he wanted to do justice to Brazil, most importantly, Rio de Janerio. Thumpy beats was a key feature. The hills, the sea, lights, slums and the green forests, the madness for football and a love for dance - you name it, and it was all there. That kind of colour and treatment uplifts you. The story was simple and tight. Towards the end, you'd find yourself, preferring a happy magical ending somehow instead of wanting to place everything in logic. And that's not easy for people like me, who go to watch a movie and still prefer not to leave their brains behind (a VERY important requirement for watching Bollywood movies). It's amazing how the need for a magical ending just grips you out of nowhere and all you want to do is groove to the HOT WINGS track again and plan a trip to Rio ASAP.

And that's the track am going to listen to on my way to court tomorrow.

To magic, and to new acquaintances! :)

Cherished Dream or a Soul's Secret?

The Drive

What if the dream was a memory?
A memory of a soul, who has come so far.
What if the cherished, ethereal dream was actually a memory stored in the deepest and mysterious recesses of the mind? A secret lesson of the soul? Something that the soul had picked up from a previous journey, not limited by time... only limited by consciousness.

Sometimes I think that instead of the soul journeying and finding its meaning and purpose, it's us who discover the secrets of our soul. I believe we spend time wondering what our soul is all about. What does it want us to see, to realise, to re-discover.

People say we have all the answers. Enlightened people say that divinity is within us, engraved to the core. But consciousness blocks it. May be in the real world, we only need a good apartment, attractive partner and a modern car. But our soul reminds us there's something else. There will always be something else. Some secret... a lesson learnt back in time... a memory cherished so badly that it becomes a dream. And we wait for it to be fulfilled.

Till one day you understand that the perfect dream already happened.

Web Press India

People!
This is it!!!

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:)

INVICTUS

Out of the Night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

- William Ernest Henley

Together We Will Live Forever

The Wind brings a new change, a new season.
And when the heart sings songs to the moon and prays at every Cross a Church holds, red in the black, I realise the innocence is still there. A heart that can melt at the thought of a romance, a soulmate and a soul that can tremble at the very thought of hurting someone and being hurt in return.
It's like an ancient tree which realises there's still some gum left in the bark.
It's a great joy to learn that after so much, and after so long, one is not immune to love, or seeming thoughts of love. It's a great joy to learn that something can still hurt. And you can still ache and be pained.
Vital signs.... of life. And that your soul is still breathing, still journeying. Still counting on the wisdom it has accumulated over the previous births... and even this one, still. Still banking on you to listen to your heart and take the right decision, stay true to yourself.
Amen.

For those who love, here's a haunting song, "a bath for your soul" by Clint Mansell: "Together We Will Live Forever"

The Great Financial Crisis of Our Times since the Great Depression

'Inside Job' won the Oscar for Best Documentary Film at the Oscars last week. This is more than a movie review. The documentary is about the vulture culture at the Wall Street and how it has plunged the world into financial crisis. In a daring series of interviews, it answers how much were the Economists paid to ignore the impending collapse? And how it will happen again.

At the Oscars, Charles Ferguson, Director of 'Inside job', accepted his Oscar with a relatively lesser scintillating "Thank-you" speech. After thanking the Academy for 5 seconds, he said, "Not a single financial executive at the Wall Street was arrested following the world financial crisis. This is something to think about."

Finance and Politics are two topics that an average man shies from. The reason? Both the concepts and their effects are too "complicated" for anyone to figure out. It is also true that these two have the most profound impact on each one of our lives - more than we care to fathom or more than we will ever come to agree, realise or accept.

Artists shy away with the discussion of Finance and Politics mainly because it represents the ugly truth and it has something more to do with facts. An artist would rather linger in the creativity of imagination. But kudos to Ferguson who has made sense of a global recession that has plagued our recent times and considering unemployment still is a major challenge worldwide, we are still to emerge out of this mess.

Kalyanee Mam, Researcher, DOP, Executive Producer has done an impressive job. Matt Damon has taken an audacious step by agreeing to narrate it.

The film shows extensive interviews with Economists, Lobbyists, Deans of Harvard and Colombia business schools, politicians, authors, researchers, a prostitute and a psychologist who shed light on the reasons as to why millions worldwide lost their jobs, major companies announced bankruptcy and how a world plunged into darkness. The effects were felt worldwide: In India, we were expected to see a blockbuster of an IPO with Emaar-MGF in 2008. Considering the crash of the stock markets world wide, with stocks falling up to 777 points in a single day, the IPO was cancelled 2 days after its scheduled debut at the Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE). Singapore's exports collapsed by 30%. Iceland, a country of democracy and a very high standard of living, was facing riots. People walked off from their Lehman Brothers' offices worldwide on a single day of notice of bankruptcy. 

One of the best features of the documentary was how it showcased the actual proceedings (court-room snippets) of Lehman Brothers' case and AIG bankruptcy - to name a few. The judge actually remarked to Lehman Brothers' CEO that he was filing bankruptcy, but he actually owns around 5-6 private jets, two helicopters, celebrated and expensive paintings and art in France. The CEO had no reply. Ask his lawyer, "Isn't that too many planes for a single person?" Even he has nothing to say to that. 

To bail out AIG, the US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson demanded a bailout of 700 crore rupees from the US Government. He said the alternative to this was unthinkable. The office building of AIG has a helipad. The website of the US Treasury states that the department is responsible for formulating and regulating economic, financial, tax, fiscal policies; serving as a fiscal agent for the US government. 

A prostitute, who operated from her high-rise apartment, located only a few blocks away from Wall Street, says that she had around  10,000 customers during the "bubble". She said that the executives would rent a Lamborghini only to take the prostitutes out for a night out. They would give the women a corporate letter head, and ask them to fill the price and mention it against expenses incurred for "Corporate Research".

Raghuram Rajan, former Chief Economist of IMF, had presented a Paper titled "Has Financial Development made the World Riskier?"(2003) which warned Financial Industry about the amount of compensation that the financial executives were given, stating that it would lead to a crisis. Former US Treasury Secretary and former Harvard President Lawrence Summers called the Paper "misguided". Greenspan and Summers had enacted two major laws under the Clinton and Bush administration that allowed deregulation, endorsing unaccountability of Financial Markets and Derivatives segment, incomes and incentives earned by Financial industry.

After the crisis, lobbyists and politicians met at a gathering hosted by Greenspan. Here, business lobbyists joked that the politicians should have regulated the Financial industry; they were too greedy and hence they needed someone to stop them at a certain juncture.

Research shows that the area of the brain that gets stimulated with making large chunks of money is the same area which gets stimulated after having cocaine. 

Economic and Business Studies' professors from Harvard and Colombia Business Schools end up making a lot of money on the side as consultants and on boards of companies like Goldman and Sachs, and Nomura. These professors are also paid by these companies to write a book on Financial Stability in the bankrupt economies like Iceland to fool people, painting a rosy picture. One of the professors was compensated around $50,000. He was asked as to how he could downright lie in a book about the economy, and he fumbles for an answer. In his CV, he has mentioned about co-authoring book, but the title corrected to Financial instability in Iceland. 

Most of the interviewees turned hostile asking the camera to be turned off, and a Columbia B-School professor even ignoring to answer a question saying, "You only have three minutes left. I should have never agreed for this foolish interview."

The film explains the complex financials of the Derivative segment, much beloved in our own country, the unregulated Over The Counter (OTC) trading and sub-prime lending. Apparently, the financial market giants not only sold CDOs (Collateralised Debt Obligation) but also made money through insurance of the same. Here's how it worked. 

Financial giants like Goldman and Sachs, Lehman Brothers incentivised their top management with astronomical bonuses for selling a great deal of CDOs to people. A most common form of CDO would be a commercial real estate property. Even if you didn't have the ways and means to actually afford a loan or the necessary documents, they'd  still get it for you. They needed incentives. And when the President of the US says that people could now afford a better home, you start taking the agent seriously. Loan documents are doctored, and the loan is passed. This was one way to make money. 

The other: the same executives, or a separate department in the same company would tell another client that a particular CDO was a "crappy investment". When the CDO's value would be driven down in the market, Lehman Brothers' would not lose anything because it was insured against the same by AIG. The CEOs of the companies that were declared bankrupt went home taking astronomical figures, stashed safely in their bank accounts, around 10-12 months before they saw the possibility of a global financial breakdown. 

When the judge asked an executive as to how he could sell a "crappy" CDO to another client, citing evidences through a tirade of emails, the executive replied, "It is.... (pause) very unfortunate.........(fumbling).... that..... the conversation was on email."

It is interesting to see that none of these high profile CEOs regret what happened. Or notice the nature and most importantly, the impact of their criminal acts all over the world. 

Before he was elected President, Barrack Obama mentioned in his speeches how the highly unaccountability culture of the Wall Street executives has resulted in the loss of jobs (also since lot of US jobs are being outsourced), recession, and deregulation of the Derivatives market (specifically asked for by Henry Paulson and Alan Greenspan). After he was elected, he has chosen the very same people who were in the Bush administration and directly responsible for the global economic meltdown.

According to Robert Gnaizda, former Director of the Greenlining Institute, a group that advocates housing rights, "It is a Wall Street Government.' Just how safe are we? It will all happen again. 

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